YOGI and the BOOM

A Rigid Body of Physics?

Our student body president was a bus boy at Brookdale Lodge where the "YOGI" was engaged for entertainment. Yogi was from India, wore the turban with a big red jewel, and preformed many astounding fetes. The President asked Yogi if he would put on a show for the kids at a San Lorenzo Valley High School assembly. Yogi consented.

"Boom, are you coming to the assembly? The Yogi is here?"

"Yup. Wouldn't miss it."

The Boom headed to the gym, but decided to stop by the teachers room on the way. As he entered, there stood the Yogi, tall in full costume. He was big.

"Hi." Said the Boom.

"Good morning, Sir," solemnly replied the Yogi. "Would you be kind enough to assist me at the assembly".

"Ohhhh Shhhiiiiii...." thought the Boom. "Ohhh, err, ahhh, well, how about Virg over there? I'm not ah, that is.." Said the Boom.

Virg quickly slipped out the door leaving the Boom alone with Yogi.

"You will do just fine." Yogi solemnly replied as he placed a strong hand on the Boom's shoulder.

GASP! And the Boom was the shy type who definitely did not like to be out in front of the whole garsh darned student body.

Yogi led the Boom out to the microphone where he proceeded to explain to the multitude the history of Yogi-ism. He told of intensive training from early childhood on concentration and controlling the body with the mind.

"Right now," he explained, "while half of my brain is being used to talk to you, the other half is concentrating on constricting the blood vessels in my hand and numbing the pain sensors. It takes about five minutes."

The Boom was wishing that he hadn't had to take a leak, and therefore wouldn't have entered the faculty room. The leak never had an opportunity to take place and might well have happened right there.

"I am now ready." Continued Yogi. He produced from someplace a very long steel needle with a handle at one end. This he handed to the Boom and said, "Push this through my hand."

A gasp came from the students. The Boom held the needle like a dagger and took aim.

"No, no." Said Yogi, "Do not stab. Just work it between the bones."

"OK." The Boom pushed the needle. It made a dent in the skin, then broke through with ease.

Yogi then walked along the rows of students and allowed them to wiggle the needle to be sure it was not a fake. Afterward, Yogi had the Boom remove the needle and observe that there was very little bleeding.

Next, Yogi maneuvered the Boom right out to the very center of the gym floor. Right on the Big Cougar painted there. The kids were giving the Boom the usual cheering he got when ever he appeared publicly. Embarrassing.

Yogi explained that the next demonstration was not hypnotism but thought transfer. ("Great," thought the Boom). He raised the Boom's arms straight out and said that they were weightless. He said the Boom could keep them out there all day with no effort. Well, after about ten minutes of explanation, the Boom did indeed find that no effort was necessary.

Yogi then brought down the Arms of the Boom, and said he would now make the Boom as stiff as a board. All this time he was standing behind the Boom, leaving the latter feeling really alone out there with all eyes upon him.

"I think you are ready now." Yogi proceeded, "Would four boys please come down and help me?"

They did. Yogi had two folding chairs set up and the boys lifted the Boom and placed him, tummy up, with head on one chair and feet on the other. There was no effort whatsoever to lie there "straight as a board". Yogi pushed down on the tummy of the Boom, and the Boom was indeed stiff. There was no unusual feeling at all. After a minute, Yogi had the Boom lifted upright and said that all was normal again.

It was.


Here endeth the Boom's experience with the Yogi.